


My Heart is Yours

by titanjaeger (oikawatooruisking)



Series: My Heart [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Era, Eren's 21 now, IM ADDING TO CHAPTER 8 BC WHY DID I END IT LIKE THAT??, Implied/Referenced Armin/Jean, Implied/Referenced Levi/Petra, Implied/Referenced One-Sided Eren/Mikasa, M/M, Okay I fixed it, So that makes him 19, This takes place about four years after Eren joins the Corp, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-09-28 10:35:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10093160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oikawatooruisking/pseuds/titanjaeger
Summary: The fight for humanity is finally over, and it's time for Eren to uphold his end of an agreement that he and Armin made: tell your respective love interest how you feel once or if humanity ever wins. There's just one problem: how does one tell someone that they love them when they're sure they'll be rejected?In other words: Eren tries to tell Levi how he feels but is too afraid and insecure to see that his love isn't as one-sided as he originally perceived it to be.





	1. Chapter 1

"Captain, I brought you some tea," Eren said as he timidly knocked on Levi's door. This would be the first time since the final battle that Eren and Levi would actually be alone together for more than two seconds, and Eren was nervous.

Armin had convinced Eren that if the war against the Titans should ever end, then they should both confess their feelings to the ones they love, and since Armin had confessed to Jean mid-battle because he was about to transform and didn't know what would happen, if they would come out alive, Eren thought that maybe he should uphold his end and just take a chance as well. Maybe the Captain would let him down easy, spare him the 'You're a good person, but...' spiel. Eren would rather him admit that there was no hope at all, that he'd never feel for him like he did for Petra, than to spout shit about how he'd rather just remain friends or some other patronizing bull shit.

As much as he kept telling himself that, though, he knew that any sort of rejection would be too much for him. That's why he never told Levi anything before; he knew that his love was one-sided, and he knew that rejection from the one person who meant something — everything — to him would undoubtedly kill him.

The door suddenly swung open and effectively tore Eren out of his head, forcing him to focus on what was happening in that moment. Levi stood on the other side of the threshold, and he looked tired and pissed. Well, that's how he looked all the time, but the way he looked at Eren told him that it was directed at him this time, which normally wasn't the case.

"What? Did you suddenly go fucking deaf without my knowledge, Jaeger? Because I swear your ears worked at fucking dinner earlier."

"Uhhh, sorry, Sir. I just–" Eren looked down at the tea tray and fought the urge to rub at the back of his neck nervously – "I guess I just got lost in my own head for a minute. I, uhh, I didn't hear you say anything."

Eren didn't look back up at Levi, but he heard the venom in his voice dissipate when he spoke next. "Whatever. You coming in or..?"

"I'm not sure if I should, Sir."

"And why the fuck not," scoffed Levi. Eren looked back up at him to find the man staring at him in confusion.

"It's not appropriate," Eren questioned. 

"I hate to break it to you, kid, but I don't really give a fuck what's appropriate or not." He paused for a moment and leaned against his door before he continued. "Though, I really don't see what's inappropriate about inviting you to have tea in my damn room."

"People might get the wrong idea if they found out–"

"Found out what, Eren? It's fucking tea. We're not going to be doing anything explicit, so chill out, and don't worry about what the fuckheads will say. Just do what you want." He grabbed the tray from Eren's hands and turned towards his desk, leaving the door open for Eren to make up his mind.

Levi was right. Of course he was right. What everyone else thought didn't matter at all, not to Eren and especially not to Levi, but going into his room would mean that he'd have to do what he originally planned to do; he'd have to tell Levi everything, and he wasn't sure if he was ready. 

"Oi, stop standing there looking like a kicked puppy, and make up your mind. In or out?" 

Eren almost closed the door and walked away. Almost. 

He promised Armin that he'd take this chance, and he didn't really want to make a liar of himself in Armin's eyes. He'd do this, and when he got rejected, he'd take it like a champ and walk away.

With his mind made up once and for all, he stepped inside the room and closed the door. Before it was complete shut, however, he noticed one of the other soldiers standing down the hall with a wide-eyed, disbelieving stare. 

"Great," he muttered before he turned and walked over to sit on the chest in front of Levi's bed.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Bull shit, Eren. What is it?"

"Lizzie saw me come in here," Eren sighed as he hunched over and placed his elbows on his knees, eyes cast towards the floor.

"And?"

"And she's the biggest fucking gossip," Eren groaned. He wanted to leave it at that, but he looked up and saw the captain's expectant gaze on him, and he knew he'd have to explain. Levi never let anything go.

"She once told anyone who would listen, which was fucking everyone, that Mikasa and I were–" he shuddered at the thought – "an 'item'. Why? All because I replaced Mika's old scarf since it tore on a previous expedition and hugged her! How does that make us a couple exactly? She's my sister, and everyone knows that there's nothing more to our relationship than that!"

Levi let out a dry, humorless laugh at that and said, "Not everyone."

Eren eyed him warily, "What do you mean?"

"You know, in the beginning, I always assumed you two had something extra going on between you, but after I watched you obliviously brush off attempt after attempt, I realized that it was a one-sided kind of thing," Levi mused. He took a sip from his tea and gave a nod of approval. "You made this, right?"

"I did, but what are you talking about? Something.... extra?"

"It's good, kid. Man, I remember when you couldn't make good tea to save your fucking life." A small smile curved his lips and made Eren's heart skip a beat.

However, it didn't distract Eren from the fact that Levi was trying to change the subject.

"What did you mean, Captain?"

"Levi."

"What?"

"I've asked you before to call me by my name when we're alone."

Eren's nose scrunched in distaste. "And I've actively made it a point not to do that because it's not appropriate. Notice that I still call Commander Hanji by her formal title rather than her name despite the millions of times she's asked. Now what did you mean?"

"You don't even call us by our names when it's just you and your friends? You're still formal then, too?"

"Yes, now stop avoiding the fucking question!"

Levi's eyes widened a bit in shock. He wasn't used to being yelled at, especially by Eren. The shock didn't last long, though, and Eren soon found Levi's sharp glare pointed in his direction for the second time that night.

"Did you seriously just raise your voice at me?"

"Yes, and for once, I'm not sorry! You think I'm stupid enough to actually go with the flow and let you change the subject, but I want to know what you meant!" His fists were balled up on his thighs, and he felt his nails digging into his palm. He knew that he was out of line, but he didn't care at all. He wanted to know, and he was going to find out.

"I don't think you're stupid–" he held up his hand to stop Eren from interrupting – "and I just meant that I thought the brother-sister thing was an act at first. She was — and still is — far too protective over you for her love to be strictly familia, and at first, I thought that you had felt the same towards her."

"I don't love her like that," Eren exclaimed. 

"I know you don't. Like I said, she made attempt after attempt only to be shut down each time, and that spoke volumes about how you felt for her."

"But she knew how I felt for–" he snapped his mouth closed to keep himself from finishing that thought. "Why would she pursue something with me when she knew that I didn't.. That I couldn't love her that way? It makes no sense."

Levi shrugged and took another sip from his tea cup. "Maybe she thought she could change your mind." He set his cup down on the table and looked back at Eren. "Felt for who?"

"Huh?"

"Don't play dumb, Jaeger," Levi snapped. "You wouldn't let me change the subject; I'm not letting you. Now spill. Who did you have feelings for?"

"No one," he muttered as he looked back down to the floor. "It doesn't matter."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because it doesn't fucking matter," Eren yelled. He looked back to Levi and saw him furrow his brows and cross his arms.

"How do you know," the captain asked. "Did you ask him?"

Eren's eyes widened at the pronoun the captain used. He'd only ever told Armin that he was gay, and Armin swore not to tell a soul, so how could Levi know that?

"What makes you think it's a guy," he asked heatedly as he schooled his expression into its default setting: angry.

"Please–" Levi chuckled – "I think I know you well enough by now to figure out your preferences, but.... I also overheard you and Armin talking about how you'd tell him how you felt if this shit fest ever ended." At Eren's glare, he added, "Sorry, but you two were talking in the damn kitchen of all places, and I needed my tea fix. Needless to say, I never fucking got it because I didn't want you to know I had heard you, but. Anyway, did you tell him"

"If you fucking heard us, then you should know who we were talking about," Eren snapped. He just wanted to get this over with. Levi knew. He knew, and he should just hurry up and reject him already. Rip off the metaphorical bandage.

"Chill out, Jaeger–" he held his hands up in a placating manner – "I don't know who you were talking about. I only heard that the one you're so smitten over is a man. And short." He picked up his cup again and drank with a thoughtful expression that soon turned to disgust. "Please tell me it's not fucking Connie."

With that one comment, all the anger that Eren felt went out the window, and he laughed. He laughed so much that he had to curl up and grab his sides because they began to hurt. "N-n-no!"

"Damn, kid, chill. It's not that funny. It's a plausible guess." The broad smile on his face suggested otherwise. He knew exactly how funny his comment was, and Eren realized that that's probably why he made it.

"W-what about that guess is plausible?" Eren's laughter finally began to die down, and he sat a little straighter as he eyed his captain with mirth. He loved to see Levi smile.

"He fits the description." Levi glanced away and shrugged, but Eren could tell that not even Levi himself bought that reply.

"Yeah, and so do you if you want to go by that logic," Eren laughed. Levi's head whipped back towards Eren so fast that he was afraid the man would get whiplash.

"Don't joke about that," Levi scolded. "It's not funny."

"Wow, okay.. I didn't mean to upset you." Eren rolled his eyes and leaned back to put his elbows on the other man's bed. He threw his head back and eyed the ceiling as his heart seemed to plummet into his stomach. That seemed like enough of a rejection to him.

Levi said nothing in response, and for once, Eren couldn't take the silence. He normally basked in the comfortable silence he shared with Levi, but the silence that fell over them at that moment was stifling. He had to go.

"Well, I think I'll go now." He looked back to Levi, who eyed him with an unreadable look in his eyes, and then stood up to stretch. "I have to go threaten a horse."

"Excuse me?"

Eren laughed. "Not a real horse, Sir."

"Ah. You mean Kirschtein. He and Arlert are a thing now, right?" Eren nodded, and Levi frowned. "Just tell those two that if I ever fucking see them kiss during a dangerous situation again, I'll kill them."

"Yes, Sir," Eren said with a mock salute.

"Fuck off, Jaeger." Levi's eyes were filled with amusement. "And don't you ever give me that sloppy ass salute ever again. If you're going to offer your heart, then you will do it properly."

Eren nodded and made his way to the door, but Levi called out to him before he could open it.

"You should tell him, Jaeger. You might be surprised at what he'd say." Something in Levi's voice sounded almost hopeful, but Eren decided to ignore it. What did Levi have to be hopeful about?

"Yeah. Maybe." Eren opened the door and stepped out into the hall without looking back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks later...

Hanji had decided that the Corps would continue to go on expeditions outside the wall. It only made sense to do that; no one knew what lay ahead of them in the world they'd fought so hard to live in. There could be other civilizations out there, civilizations that did not include other Titan shifters who would try to wipe them off the face of the earth. There could be other civilizations who possibly needed their help because there was no guarantee that the Titans only attacked them. Though, something told Eren that that might actually be the case, but no one else wanted to take any chances. 

Preparations for the latest expedition were being made, and with every passing day, Eren grew more and more excited. He couldn't wait to get out there and finally explore the world he'd been locked away from, the world he knew he belonged in. He and Armin had dreamed of this for so long, and they finally had the chance to get to the ocean, to see all the wonders that the world had to offer.

That excitement couldn't last forever, though, because that's not how life worked for Eren. It was while he and Armin were overlooking the training of some new Corps members that Armin reminded him of his promise to tell Levi how he felt that the joy of exploration was ripped right out of Eren's calloused hands. 

"You know," Armin began as he jotted something down in his notebook, "you never actually told Levi how you felt."

Eren groaned and looked around to make sure that Levi wasn't lurking somewhere and listening in. "Could you not do that?"

"Do what," Armin questioned with a teasing lilt to his voice.

"Use his name while talking about.... In the same fucking sentence. He overheard us once, and it's bound to happen again if you keep being careless."

"Talking about what, Eren? Your feelings for him?"

"Armin!" He shoved the blond's shoulder a little more forcefully than he intended, but Armin simply laughed and shrugged it off.

"Okay, Eren... Jeez. I'm just trying to help you here."

"How," Eren snapped. "By making me do something that will only lead to heartbreak? No, thanks. I'll pass."

"This might be your last chance, though," Armin pleaded. "You have to do it now before it's too late."

"What the hell do you mean," Eren demanded. "He's coming with us on the expedition, so I'll have a million chances if I actually wanted to take them."

"No, you won't." The look on Armin's face was honest, just as Armin always was, and solemn enough for Eren to bite.

"What do you mean, Ar? What don't I know?" Eren's voice softened considerably, and the look in Armin's eyes only got more glum than the brunet could stand.

"There are rumors that he's leaving the Corps. Well, I don't know if I can consider what I heard come straight from the commander's mouth a rumor, but... Eren? Where are you going?"

"To fucking find him," Eren yelled in response. 

He was angry and hurt. How could Levi not tell him about this? He was Levi's second-in-command, so Eren should have been the first to know about the possibility of Levi leaving the Corps. He had to find him. He had to sort this out, to see if he could get him to reconsider. 

\------------------------------

When Eren finally found Levi, it was completely on accident. He'd searched all afternoon, but had come up empty handed and decided to return to his quarters for the night. Surprisingly, that's exactly where he found his captain, seated on top of his jacket next to Eren's door.

"It's about time you fucking showed up," Levi groused. He looked up at Eren, who had stopped about two feet away from him, and then stretched his legs before standing. "Well, Jaeger? You going to let me in? I need to talk to you about something."

"Uhhh, yeah." Eren walked over to his door and avoided the captain's heavy gaze. He had a feeling what Levi was there to talk to him about, and he wasn't sure that he was going to be able to handle it.

Once they were inside Eren's room and the door was shut, Levi walked over to Eren's immaculately made bed and plopped himself down.

"Not bad. I almost expected this room to be a mess, so I kind of dreaded coming in here." He met Eren's gaze and shrugged at the slightly offended look that undoubtedly took residence on the younger man's face. "Sorry."

"You think I'm a slob?"

"No. Besides myself, you're the only person I actually trust to clean something properly. I just didn't expect you to care when it came to your own quarters." He folded his left leg over his right and placed his hands on his knee as he eyed Eren with what looked like trepidation. That one look confirmed all Eren's fears about the supposed rumor and Levi's reasons for wanting to speak with him.

"Whatever. Let's get this over with, alright? I'm tired as fuck, and I'd really like to go take a shower." Levi's eyes slightly widened at the sharp tone that suddenly overtook Eren's voice. He didn't seem to understand why the younger man would be agitated with him.

"You heard."

Or maybe he did understand.

"If you're asking if I heard that you're apparently leaving, then yeah, I heard. Question is, why didn't I hear it from you first?"

Levi glared at him. "Don't you think that's what I was trying to do? If you wouldn't have avoided me for two fucking weeks, you would have known before I even told Hanji."

"I wasn't avoiding you!"

"Sure you weren't, and I'm the fucking king." He sighed. "Look, kid.. I get that you're upset about not being the first to know, but I really did try to tell you at least five times. You just kept coming up with excuses not to listen." Levi turned his eyes towards the floor, and Eren thought he saw sadness in them.

"So you're leaving?" Thankfully, Eren was able to reign in his anger, and his tone was softer than he thought it'd be. "Why?"

"This isn't the life I wanted for myself–" he looked back to Eren – "All I wanted was to get out of that hellhole and live peacefully and respectfully for once in my damn life, but Erwin roped me into this, and like a fool, I followed." He must have noticed the way Eren's face scrunched in confusion because he continued after a slight pause. "No, I don't regret my choice to follow him. I lost far too many people, but I don't regret a minute of serving the Corps at all. I just... I'm tired, Eren. I want to rest and do something that doesn't involve killing or striking fear into everyone's hearts, you know? I need–" he sighed, long and shaky, and closed his eyes – "I need a break from this life."

"What happens to me?" It was a selfish question, and it wasn't really what he wanted to ask or say, but he couldn't bring himself to ask what'd he'd do once he left.

"Well, I've talked to Hanji about it already, and if you're willing, you'll take my spot. You'll be promoted to Captain, and you'll have your own team of elites."

"No one can take your spot. Your shoes aren't easy to fill, Captain." He meant it as a compliment, one that should show his respect and admiration of the talented soldier, but it came out harsh and even made Levi, who never did so even when confronted by Titans, flinch. "I'm sorry. That came out... harsher than I expected. I just.. How am I supposed to do that? How does anyone expect me to–"

"No one expects you to be like me. You're your own person, Eren, and I'm telling you that you'll be a better commanding officer than I ever was." 

"Everyone's going to read into everything that I do and assume that I'm just trying to step out of your shadow. They'll–"

"Again with this shit? Since when do you care what everyone else things," the older man scoffed. "Why is anything that those asshats will say even on your radar?"

"I don't know," the younger said shamefully. He moved over to the chest at the end of his bed and sat with his back to Levi. He hunched over and hung his head between his knees. "I don't know if I want any of that at all."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm not sure anymore." Eren laughed dryly. "I just want to go out there and see the world."

"Then do that," Levi stated calmly. "You don't need me for that, and you don't need to be promoted to do that either."

"I kind of... Never mind."

"Kind of what?" Levi's tone said that he wouldn't let Eren drop this.

"I'm a little terrified of going out there without you." He heard Levi take in a sharp breath and hurried to finish his thought. "I.. You've just been with me throughout my entire Survey Corps experience, and I always knew that I could count on you to keep me in line, to control me if I ever lost control of myself. The only other person who can is Armin, sometimes Mikasa, but I'm not sure if they'll always be enough, you know?"

"I'm not sure that I do."

"It's just that–" Eren sighed heavily – "I'm not sure if they'll be able to do what needs to be done when the time comes."

"You mean if the time comes. You haven't gone berserk in a long time, Eren."

"But I still could!"

"Yes, you still could, but you don't need me if that happens. Mikasa and Hanji agreed to take care of you if it becomes that hopeless, and Jean agreed to step up if they can't for some reason. You'll be taken care of." Eren was getting tired of hearing that he didn't need Levi. Levi was the only person he needed.

"What will you do, then," Eren asked carefully. He didn't want to sound like he dreaded the answer, but he probably failed. This was like his worst nightmare coming true, except Levi wasn't dying, just walking away.

"I might go help rebuild Shiganshina before I retire, then build my own tea house while I'm at it. Did you have a tea house there before?"

"No. Why Shiganshina?" He didn't understand. Why there of all places? Why not Trost or somewhere nicer than some shabby little outer wall village?

"Mikasa and Armin spoke of it fondly, so I thought maybe I could help give you guys a home to come back to while I made one for myself at the same time."

"If you want to make a home for yourself, then why don't you do it somewhere nicer? Shiganshina is shit, and no matter how nicely built it is, I won't go back there. The only good thing from that shit hole was destroyed when the wall fell for the first time."

"You don't want to go back ever?"

"No."

"Not even to visit?"

"Maybe to visit you, but I sure as hell won't settle down there. Ever."

"Speaking of settling down... Did you ever talk to that guy of yours?" He was trying to change the subject, and Eren would have been grateful for that if only he wouldn't have chosen this topic.

"No."

"Why not?"

After having his back turned to the older man for so long, he finally rounded on him with a confused, hurt glare. "Does it matter? He's not mine, and he'll never be mine, so I don't even want to try." He didn't expect to see the same emotions hidden in the captain's eyes once he was done, though.

The pain in his eyes didn't show for long, though. Levi schooled his expression as he stood up and dusted some nonexistent dust off of his pants. "If that's your attitude towards it, then I guess not. Look, kid.. I told you once before, and I'll say it again now.. I think you should tell him. He probably feels the same about you."

"Yeah, right," he dismissed. Eren looked at the floor because it almost hurt to look at Levi when he didn't know how his obliviousness was affecting him. "There's no way I'm good enough for him to even think about loving. Besides, I'm pretty sure he's still caught up on some past love."

"Past love?" At the confusion in Levi's voice, Eren looked up to find that Levi was staring at him with his head slightly tilted and his nose slightly scrunched. "What makes you think that?"

"Again, it doesn't matter."

"If you say so, Eren." The sadness and agitation in the captain's voice was almost palpable. Why was he so worried about Eren's love life? Why did he care? "Goodnight, Jaeger."

"Goodnight, Sir."

Levi opened the door, walked out the room, and Eren was left alone with his thoughts about abandonment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've realized that almost everything I wrote is very dialogue heavy with barely any description of what's going on around them. Is that offputting? Does that make my fics annoying or is tolerable? 
> 
> I want to eventually be able to write things with beautiful descriptions and scenery, but for some of the shit I write, it just doesn't happen. Sorry. :/
> 
> Please let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank every person who has read this and then commented or liked/bookmarked this. It makes me happy that you guys are actually enjoying this, and I hope that I can make the rest of this story something that you won't regret reading.

"Thank fuck," Eren exclaimed. Jean had been complaining that he was ready to go home for two months now, and now that the wall was in sight, Eren took solace in the fact that he'd finally stop whining.

"Are you really that excited to see the walls, Captain?"

Eren turned to Mila, one of Armin's squad members, and cheekily replied, "Not really. I'm just excited about the fact that old horse face over there will stop neighing about how homesick he is." Everyone who heard him laughed at the joke, even Armin, and Eren felt pride in the fact that he could still make people laugh with that old, worn out jest.

Well, he could make everyone laugh with that but Jean. Apparently, being the butt of the joke still didn't sit well with him, but Eren was convinced that it wasn't so much his witticism that bothered Jean anymore but the fact that Armin actually laughed along with Eren.

As if the blond had read his mind, Armin immediately and somewhat quietly said, "Jean, I'd apologize for laughing, but it was funny, and Eren's right.... You really have been complaining about home a lot."

"I'm sorry, okay? I just... I'm ready to get back and build a home with you. I never really wanted to go on this expedition, but I came anyway because it wouldn't be right to find and break in a house without you there."

"I know, sweetie.. I know that, and I'm so happy that you feel that way. I honestly didn't mind your complaining, but you know how I am. I've never minded any of your quirks or imperfections."

"You think I'm not perfect?" Jean sounded like he was trying to play the question off as a joke, but he really just came across as very insecure. Eren couldn't help but feel wrong about that. Jean hadn't been insecure about anything in years.

"You're perfect to me, love." And with that one mushy, affection filled sentence, Eren officially zoned out of their conversation. Though, he did get to hear the kissy and barf noises that the other soldiers provided due to their sickening, perfect, jealousy inspiring public displays of affection before he completely blocked everyone out.

Now that Eren wasn't paying attention to his love struck friends, he felt compelled to think about the one thing inside the walls that he actually wanted to go back for. Well, that thing was actually a person, and that person was Levi. 

Levi told Eren multiple times before he left that if he didn't visit him as soon as he returned home, then he would hunt him down and kick his ass. Eren believed him. The captain — well, he wasn't technically a captain anymore, but he'd always be one in Eren's eyes — might not feel the same way that Eren does, but the brunet knew that Levi cared about him. He considered Eren a close friend, family if you will, and Eren knew better than to deny the pleasure of spending time with loved ones to a man who's lost almost every friend and family member he's ever had. No, Eren would rather endure the silent pain of unrequited love than avoid Levi and make him feel like he lost someone else. It was really rather masochistic of him, but he just couldn't help it. He needed to be with the other man, even if that meant that he could never be with Levi the way that he wanted to.

At one point last year, Eren was very close to throwing caution to the wind and taking up residence in some old house they found by the ocean. It was the perfect place for him. He could see the water and wouldn't be confined in some cage like livestock, but Eren knew that staying there meant that he'd never see Levi again. He couldn't do that. He couldn't go the rest of his life without seeing his captain's face, without hearing his smooth, deep voice tell those awful shit jokes that he loved so much. He needed to go home to him. And that's exactly what being out on the expedition taught him, that Levi is his home. How could Eren leave his home forever? Answer: there was no way that he could.

"Hey! Earth to Jaeger!"

"Huh?"

"Finally!" Jean sounded mostly exasperated, but Eren could hear the subtle hint of concern that tinted his voice. "Jesus, Eren.. We've only been trying to get your attention for five years!"

Armin and Hanji laughed from somewhere to Jean's right. Armin didn't sound that close, which was odd because wherever Jean was, Armin was usually right beside him and vice versa.

"It hasn't even been five minutes, honeybunch! Don't lie to the poor boy," Hanji interjected.

"Whatever," Jean grumbled. "Anyway! What's up with you, Jaeger? You've been spacing out quite a bit lately."

"Nothing," Eren replied. 

"I'm gonna have to call bull shit on that one, dude–" he paused – "Is this about Levi?"

"Why would I space out because of him," Eren snapped. He knew that Jean knew exactly why. Armin kept no secrets from the love of his life, and he made sure that Eren was very aware of that fact.

"Uhh, because you love him? Duh!" Eren looked over at the commander. He realized that he and Jean were actually a little bit further from the rest of the group than they were earlier. Jean must have planned that in order to have this not-so-private chat.

"Hanji," Jean yelled, annoyed that she butt into his conversation.

"Oh, shush! It's the truth. He knows it, we know it... Hell, the whole world knows it! It's time that he stops pretending that he isn't desperately devoted to our short little soldier, and it's time that he womans up and admits it to the object of his affections as well!"

"Uhh, Commander?"

"Yes, Xander?"

"Don't you mean, 'Man up'?"

"No, sir, I don't! A woman would have told him how he felt ages ago!"

Before Hanji could get started on her rant about gender roles and other irrelevant things that don't belong in our society, Zarya, one of Eren's squad members, spoke up. "We are talking about _the_ Captain Levi, right? Your predecessor? The one who taught you everything you know, right, Captain?"

"The very same," replied Hanji without a care in the world that the question was never meant for her.

Zarya made a small noise to show that she acknowledged the answer as Miles, another of Eren's squad members, asked, "So you said that everyone already knows how the Captain feels about this guy.... But does the guy himself know how Captain Eren feels about him?"

"Oh, knowing him and how in tune to our little Eren he's always been, I'd say that he does," the commander replied.

"Oh, please–" Eren scoffed and rolled his eyes – "he once accused me of being in love with Connie because he overheard Armin and me talking about how I loved a short person. He doesn't know."

"Believe what you want to believe, my little green eyed love muffin, but he knows. Levi's known ever since the very beginning when everyone else just assumed that what you felt for him was just hero worship."

Hanji couldn't be serious. Why would Levi play it off if he already knew how Eren felt? Why would he advise Eren not once but twice to tell the guy how he felt for him if he knew that Eren was in love with him? It made no sense. Unless....

No. No, he wouldn't let himself hope that Levi loved him, too. Hanji was just being crazy like always. Levi didn't know, and he didn't love Eren.

...Right? 

"Alright–" Mikasa interjected – "that's enough. It's Eren's love life, and he needs to be the one to decide when or if he'll tell Levi how he feels. I think everyone should drop it."

"Thanks, Kasa," Eren shyly mumbled. She heard him nonetheless.

"Anytime." She bit her lip, and Eren could tell that she was mulling something over in her head. "Eren... You really should tell him, though."

"Seriously?" Eren threw his hands in the air in annoyance. "You just said to drop it!"

"Yes, and now it's dropped. I just had to say my piece, and now we're all–" she glared at everyone she could make eye contact with – "going to leave you alone about it."

"Thank the fucking goddess above!" Eren rode ahead of everyone else and prepared himself for his first meeting with Levi in two years. He didn't know if he'd tell him right away or not, but the hope that Hanji managed to build up in him that Levi loved him wouldn't let him go the rest of his days without discovering once and for all if Levi felt the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this might be a few chapters longer than I thought it would be.  
> It shouldn't exceed five chapters, though!  
> ...I'm almost positive this time.
> 
> Feedback is welcome! <3


	4. Chapter 4

For the first time since Bert — the Colossal Titan; no matter how hard he tried not to, Eren still referred to them by name when he thought about his old friends — destroyed the wall, Eren set foot in Shiganshina. Eren had honestly expected the place to look the same as it did back then, but the restoration crew apparently had some other ideas.

There wasn't a single piece of rubble to be found, not a single destroyed home. If it weren't for the vivid memories from that day and the fact that his hometown looked vastly different from before, Eren almost couldn't tell that anything bad had ever happened there.

As different as the buildings and the layout of Shiganshina were, Eren couldn't help but notice that that wasn't the most prominent change. People had always gathered around the gate to welcome the soldiers once they returned, but he never once remembered them being happy about it. Now, though, the Scouting Legion was welcomed home by many warm, smiling faces. Eren felt a sense of pride and shame well up in him. He felt pride because they finally recognized them as the heroes they are, even if most of the soldiers didn't exactly feel like heroes anymore, and shame because it took them finally defeating the Titans for the people to see that they were more than a waste of tax money.

Before Eren could decide if he felt happy or annoyed about the people and their fickle minds, he saw something that he hadn't seen in what felt like an eternity. Well, he saw someone, not something. Levi was there among the crowd, standing right in the front, and his eyes were locked on Eren. He was off his horse faster than Levi could even lift his hand in a small wave, which he did and which Eren found very adorable since Levi never was one to wave at someone.

By the time Eren was right in front of Levi, the other man had a small, genuine smile on his face. It was something that was so rare, Levi's smile, that Eren found himself with a grin big enough and bright enough to rival the sun. Without a single thought, he threw his arms around his former captain and hugged him as tightly as he could. He didn't care that he hadn't bathed in days or that the man was sure to reprimand him for hugging him while dirty; he just had to show Levi that he missed him.

As expected, Levi made a noise of disapproval right before he said, "You smell like a fucking pig stye." What wasn't expected was the lack of disgust or annoyance in his voice or the fact that he pulled Eren closer rather than pushed him away. The moment was so perfect that Eren felt as if he could die happy right then and there with absolutely no regrets.

Until someone barreled straight into them that is. Both the men fell right onto the ground with the weight of an extra body on them, and they both made noises that were very undignified. Still, neither of them let go of the other despite the fact that they were very uncomfortable.

"I swear, shitty glasses, if you don't get off of us right fucking now, I'll break both of your legs."

"But Levi–" she drug out the 'I' in his name for as long as she could – "I missed you so much! How can you expect me to let go when I haven't seen you in two years? Two years, Levi! That's like an eternity!"

"No, it's two fucking years. Get the fuck up," Levi demanded. There was barely any heat to his words.

"Eren! Tell him that I can't do that!"

"Umm.... Sorry, Commander, but this is pretty uncomfortable. Please get up."

She sighed, big and dramatic as if she were a child who had been told to give their lady cookie away. "Fine, fine! But we will continue this later!"

"No." Levi left no room for argument with that single word, but he continued any way. "We really won't."

Hanji rolled off of them and stood up. Once she was on her feet, she held out both of her hands and pulled the two men off the ground. Eren heard some children in the crowd gasp in awe before they began to gush about how strong the woman was. He smiled at their beautiful innocence.

"What are you smiling about, kid?"

"Huh?" Eren looked to his left and found Levi staring at him. He saw a few different emotions that he couldn't quite name swimming around in the captain's eyes, and Eren found that he didn't want to look away until he had been able to delve deep into them and figure out what those emotions were. And even after he found out, he was sure he'd still want to get lost in those beautiful grey eyes.

"You're smiling. What for?" Levi had a small smirk on his face, and Eren knew it was because he'd been caught staring at the man for far too long. He just couldn't stop.

"Oh! Yeah, uhh–" he scratched at his cheek – "I heard some kids marveling over the commander's strength, and I just thought about how nice it is that they get to keep that childish innocence for longer than we did."

Levi hummed his acknowledgment and then asked, "I know you have to go back and house your horse and whatever else you'll all be doing, but when do you think you can come back here?"

"I don't know. Probably two days from now? We have a lot of shit to document." He paused for a minute to study Levi's face before he smiled shyly. "Why? Miss me already?"

"Fuck off, Jaeger." He was smiling, bigger than he did when Eren first arrived, and there was not even a trace of annoyance in his voice. "You promised you'd visit, and passing through on your way back in does not constitute as a visit in my book, so I just need to make sure that you come back."

"Yeah, whatever, Levi. You just miss me." Levi looked surprised to hear his name, just his name and no title, coming out of his mouth. That look quickly changed to one of barely contained pleasure. "You don't have to worry, though. I'll come back for you."

"You better. I have a lot to show you."

"And I have a lot to tell you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny story, but... I know I told someone that the confession would come this chapter. Haha.. Well, I accidentally lied? I'm so sorry! ToT


	5. Chapter 5

A month after Eren came back from the expedition, he finally found himself outside of the tea house that Levi had dubbed Humani[tea]. It was clever, Eren supposed, and he probably shouldn't have expected any other name for a shop run by his former captain.

Eren almost went inside at least four times, but every single time he grabbed the door handle, he'd stop and look across the road. Directly across from the shop was a small park that Eren couldn't help but notice was exactly where his house and a few others existed before the wall was destroyed. There was something very upsetting about knowing that children would play where he once lived, where his mother had her life stolen from her, and Eren didn't know whether he should cry or be angry.

He had settled on both when the door that he had still yet to open was pulled from his grasp. Eren stepped aside and apologized for being in the customer's way before he looked up and saw that the one who opened the door was not a departing patron at all.

Levi stared at Eren with an unreadable expression before he crossed his arms and schooled his face back into his signature scowl. "Exactly how long were you planning on standing on my doorstep? You're starting to freak some people out."

"Oh, uhh... I'm sorry. I got–" he looked back to the park – "distracted."

Levi followed his gaze and nodded. "People decided that they wanted a place for the kids to play, so we built some swings and shit, but.... I may have been the one to suggest we build it where your house used to be."

Eren looked back at Levi, surprise written all over his face. "Why?"

"Well... If you want to take a stroll through it, I could show you," Levi said shyly. It was strange, seeing Levi like that. The straight-faced, perpetually angry man was never shy about anything, so what could be in that playground that would make him that way now?

"Uhh, sure," Eren replied. He didn't sound sure of himself, and the other man picked up on his hesitation immediately.

"We don't have to do it, Eren. It was just a suggestion."

"No," Eren said with newfound determination, "I'll go." The captain caught his attention, and he had to know what was in that park.

Levi eyed Eren warily but gave in. "Alright then. Well go in a few hours when someone can watch the place for me," He said before he turned around and walked back inside, expecting Eren to follow.

As Eren stepped inside the older man's place of business, he couldn't help but marvel at the decor. Levi had an entire wall dedicated to tea pots and cups alone, and they all looked so beautiful and delicately made that Eren couldn't help but assume that they were simply there for people to admire. There was no way that Levi would let anyone drink from his best cups. He didn't trust people enough for that.

When Eren finally saw the wall directly across from the shelves of tea pots, though, he almost broke into tears. There was a mural painted onto it, and it looked exactly like the forest of giant trees that Squad Levi had fought and died in. Why would Levi have that painted there? Why would he torture himself like that?

As if he had read Eren's mind, Levi quietly said, "It hurts, looking at that everyday, but I felt like I needed something, and nature is always the easiest route to take. I can't exactly draw people like you can."

"You painted this?"

Levi hummed in affirmation as he gestured for Eren to sit in a chair at a table for two next to the wall they were looking at. "I've only ever seen trees in person, so I couldn't have painted an ocean or that thing that spouts fire water that you and Armin always went on about." He shrugged and gestured at the wall as if to say 'So this is what I wound up with.'

"It's beautiful, Sir," Eren said quietly. He hadn't taken his eyes off of the painting since he saw it. It made him feel overcome with sadness, but it also reminded him for the first time in a while about the good moments he had with his squad. "Is it wrong that I miss them?"

"Why would it be wrong?"

"Because they'd still be here if it weren't for me."

"Eren, you've got to stop telling yourself that everyone who died after you joined died because of you. It's not even remotely true, and you have no idea if they'd still be here or not. If it wasn't that expedition, it could've been another one, and we'd still be sitting here with heavy hearts." The agitation that Eren expected to hear, that Eren heard from him the last time they talked about this a year before it all ended, couldn't be found at all. In fact, Levi's voice was soft, as if he were sad to hear that Eren still blamed himself. Eren decided to let it go before he actually did make Levi angry.

"I haven't thought about them in three years. Is that normal?"

"They died seven years ago, and you have a life to live. You also never got the chance to actually be around them for very long, so it's understandable that you won't think about them every single day."

"Do you think about them everyday," Eren asked.

"No. I do think of them often, though. I think of everyone I've lost fairly often," Levi said solemnly.

"There were rumors that you and...." Eren looked at Levi for the first time since they sat down, and he instantly regretted bringing the rumor up. Levi's gaze was sharp enough to cut, and Eren wondered why he thought asking about his relationship with Petra would ever be a good idea. "Uhh, never mind."

"What rumor? There were many." When Eren didn't answer right away, his eyes narrowed, and he added, "Don't you dare try to change the subject. You brought whatever this is up for a reason, and I want to know what it is."

Eren slouched in his chair a little and sighed. "Okay, okay... Uhh, there were rumors that you and Petra were... Umm, involved?" He looked back at the wall in order to avoid whatever look Levi was giving him. He never should have said anything at all.

"Are you asking if that was true?" There was a hint of humor in Levi's voice, but Eren couldn't understand what could be funny. It was a genuine question.

"Yes?"

"No."

"No?"

"Yes, no."

"Wait. What?"

Levi chuckled and placed his chin on top of his right hand. "No, we weren't... involved romantically or physically in any way. I think she wanted to be at first, but by the time you got there, she and Eld had already fucked at least three times."

Eren spluttered and looked back to Levi to find him with a grin on his face. "W-what? They what? Eld and Petra?" Levi nodded his head slowly, smile never faltering, and Eren leaned forward onto the table. "Wow... I.. I never would have guessed that."

"Obviously not since you thought I was fucking her."

"Why didn't you?"

"Why didn't I... sleep with her? Seriously?"

"Yeah. I mean, she was beautiful and kind and pretty funny and–"

"Yeah, and I'll stop you right there before that sentence just keeps going on and on. She was all of those things, but I'm not sexually attracted to women, so..."

"You're not?" Eren tried not to sound too excited about that revelation. If he failed, then Levi showed no signs of it.

"No." Levi pursed his lips and furrowed his brow as he continued to look at Eren. He looked like he had something that he wanted to say but was conflicted about doing so. Eren watched as the internal conflict seemed to disappear and as determination set into those beautiful eyes of his. "Eren, we need–"

"Mr. Ackerman, Sir?"

Levi sighed before he turned to look at the young woman who had walked up to their table. "Yes, Bella?"

"Umm, Drew broke a cup and cut his hand when he went to pick it up. Could you come look at it, Sir?"

"Holy fucking–" he looked at Eren and sighed again – "Yes. I'm coming. Sorry, Eren. I live right upstairs if you want to go up and rest. I'll meet you up there after I close."

"And then we'll go to the park?"

Levi smiled, small but genuine, and said, "Yes, and then we'll go to the park." He walked away from the table and towards a door that undoubtedly lead to the kitchen, but he stopped, looked at Eren, and pointed to a staircase that would allow Eren access to a place to relax before he finally disappeared to go inspect his employee's injury.

"I can't wait," Eren mumbled to himself through a smile before he, too, stood up and walked away from the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank everyone who has liked/commented/bookmarked this. You guys are the absolute best, and I'm so happy that you guys like this as much as I do. <3
> 
> I didn't proofread or anything, so if you find any mistakes, feel free to let me know!
> 
> Feedback is always welcome and appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't proofread again, so please let me know if I made mistakes.

The first thing Eren realized when he woke up was that he hadn't had a single nightmare. He couldn't understand why. It's not really that he was complaining or anything, but he'd had one every single night for the past two years, and he wanted to know what he did differently because he'd love to know how to get rid of those depressing dreams.

The second thing that Eren realized when he woke up was that he wasn't in his own bed. The one he woke up in was bigger and softer than the one in his room, and the pillow felt like a cloud rather than the brick that he was so used to placing his head on.

He sat up and looked around to see if he could figure out where he was, but Eren couldn't see any personal effects that could give away who the room belonged to. It was odd. People normally tried to decorate in order to make their room feel more personal, more home-y, but this one was bare, and Eren couldn't fathom why.

Since he couldn't figure out where he was just by examining the room, Eren threw his legs over the bed and stood up in order to go check the other rooms. Maybe he'd find some clue as to whose bed he slept in.

As soon as Eren set foot through the bedroom door, he remembered exactly where he was and whose home he was in. Levi sat on the small sofa that sat against the wall to the right of Eren. He was reading a thick book that Eren couldn't see the name of, and he had glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. Eren couldn't help but think that Levi looked incredibly attractive donned in glasses, and he almost said so but thought better of it. For now.

"I don't recall you having this habit of standing awkwardly in doorways three years ago," Levi said before Eren could call out his greeting.

"I don't recall you wearing glasses three years ago either, Captain."

Levi lowered his book and then glared up at Eren. "First of all, I'm not your captain anymore, so don't fucking call me that again. Second of all, I did have glasses back then. I just never wore them around you."

"Why not," Eren asked as he tilted his head slightly to the right.

"Why don't you stop standing in the doorway like an awkward fuck and come sit down? Then maybe I'll tell you."

Eren nodded once before he walked over to where the other man sat. He sat down and turned his body in order to better face Levi and stared at him expectantly, waiting for the answer he was promised.

Levi, who had not taken his eyes off of Eren once, rolled his eyes as he turned his head away from Eren and sighed. "I never wore them around you because I never had much use for them outside my room when I wasn't doing paperwork."

"I didn't even know you needed them," Eren said in quiet astonishment.

"Obviously," Levi said. He took his glasses off, folded them, and put them on the small coffee table that sat in front of them. He placed his book right next to them after he marked his place, and Eren sat a little straighter in hopes of figuring out the title of the book. Levi noticed his sudden change in posture and gave a small laugh. 

"What," Eren asked defensively.

"Are you that curious about the book?"

"Yes," he replied.

Levi turned his body towards Eren and placed his right arm on the back of the sofa. He leaned his head on the arm he propped up while he put his other hand in his lap and looked at Eren curiously. "Do you want to read it?"

"Huh? Oh, no.. I just wanted to know what it was. It looks... a little too long for my tastes."

Levi let out another chuckle and nodded. "Not a reader, then. Got it."

"So what's it called?"

"It's a book of poems by a man named Edgar Allan Poe."

"Oh, that guy," Eren said unenthusiasticly, which in turn caused another snort to escape Levi. Externally, Eren grimaced in confusion because he couldn't understand why Levi would laugh, but internally, he was so happy that he was able to hear Levi laugh again.

"Yeah," said Levi with a smile on his face. "That guy. Have you read his work before?"

"Yes," replied Eren. "Well, I didn't actually read it myself, but Armin read the one about the raven and the heart under the floorboards to me. They were nice, I guess, but Armin said I missed the bigger picture."

Levi hummed his acknowledgment and closed his eyes. "Those are the first ones I read as well. Did he explain them to you?"

"Yeah, but we were pretty young, so I don't remember what they were really about or anything." Eren thought for a moment before he added, "Maybe I could try again, though. I've calmed down a lot since then, and Armin says I'm definitely smarter now, too, so.. I don't know."

"I'll lend it to you if you want," Levi suggested, eyes still closed. 

"Are you tired," asked Eren quietly. 

"A bit," Levi answered just as softly.

"You should go to sleep then."

"Had you not been in my bed, I would have."

"Sorry," whispered Eren.

Levi opened his eyes and sought out Eren's, which were downcast. "For what?"

"I should have slept right here, but I–" he paused and shyly looked up at Levi – "I was looking around and.... Well, your bed looked soft, so I sat on it, and the next thing I know I'm waking up without a clue where I am."

Levi's lips curled upwards as he said, "So you forgot where you were?"

"Uhh, yeah.. Until I walked out here and saw you. It wasn't easy figuring it out just by your room alone.. You don't have shit in there that screams 'Property of Levi Ackerman' or anything, so I was confused."

"Hmm." Levi closed his eyes again. "I just don't know what to put in there. I thought about painting something, but I don't know what to fucking paint, so–"

"I could paint you something!"

Levi's eyes opened, and he looked at Eren in slight surprise. "You would?"

"Yeah! I sketched a bunch of the places we saw on the expedition, so I could paint them for you... If you want me to, that is." Eren started with such confidence but ended on a shy note, and that made him cringe and Levi raise an eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't I want you to? Wait... Don't answer that. I'd love that, actually." He paused and lifted his head off of his arm as he seemed to contemplate something. "I need tea. Do you want any?" Eren nodded his head and watched as Levi stood up and walked over to his kitchen.

"Don't you ever get tired of tea," Eren asked.

Levi stopped and turned to look at Eren with narrowed eyes. "Why would you ask a dumb question like that? Tea is my life force. It's what keeps me going. Take that away, and what am I?"

"A short, thirty-something year old man with resting bitch face," Eren questioned with a small smirk.

"Fuck you, Jaeger." He turned around and stalked the rest of his way to his stove as Eren began to laugh.

Eren got up off the sofa and started to make his way to where Levi was putting water in the kettle when he asked, "Exactly how old are you, Capt–" Levi turned and shot him a glare – "Uhh, I mean, Levi?"

Levi turned around and turned off the water. "Why does it matter," he said as he turned on the flame and placed the kettle over it.

"Why do you ask that every time I ask how old you are?"

"Because you keep asking." Levi turned to face Eren and leaned his back on the counter as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Why do you keep asking?"

"Because you keep avoiding the question," Eren replied. He sat down on one of the stools placed at the island in the middle of the kitchen. "How old are you?"

Levi continued to glare at him for a moment more but sighed when he saw that the determination in Eren's eyes would not go away. "I'm 36. I'll turn 37 in December." Eren's eyes widened as his mouth parted slightly in shock. "What," Levi asked gruffly.

"36? I just thought you were, like, 31 or something." Levi raised an eyebrow at that, and Eren threw his arms in the air. "You just look young, okay? I wouldn't have even thought you were in your thirties if the commander wouldn't have said so..."

Levi's eyebrow lifted a bit higher. "You asked Hanji how old I am?"

"Maybe... You wouldn't tell me, and I thought she'd have a definite answer! What was I supposed to do?"

"You could have dropped it," Levi said dryly. "It's not that important, Eren."

"So? I just like knowing things about you, okay? I've told you a lot about me, but sometimes I still feel like I barely know you," Eren admitted.

"There are some things about me that you don't need to know, Eren." Levi's voice sounded so grave that Eren knew he should have left it at that, but he pushed on anyway.

"Why? You know almost everything about me, even the shittiest parts of me, but I'm just expected to stay in the dark when it comes to you?"

"I don't like talking about my life before the Corps," Levi said quietly. Eren had expected him to sound angry, but he just seemed sad. "Hell, I don't even like talking about my first year in the Corps. Those weren't good times for me, and I don't want to willingly relive them."

Eren looked down at his hands that were resting on the countertop and sighed in defeat. He wanted to know about the other man's past, but he didn't want to make Levi tell him about something that would upset him. He'd just have to give it up and hope that maybe Levi would tell him when or if he's ever ready. "Okay. I'll stop prying... Sorry, Levi."

"It's fine, Eren. Maybe... Maybe I'll tell you one day, but I can't do it right now, okay?"

Eren looked back up and met Levi's sad, steel grey eyes. "You don't have to tell me at all if you don't want to."

"I know that, brat."

"Okay." They stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Eren remembered what Levi had promised him right before they parted ways earlier in the day. "Hey, weren't we supposed to go to the park?"

"Yes, but there was only about an hour before sunset when I closed up shop, and you were sleeping when I got up here... We'll go tomorrow. I promise."

"You could have woke me up, you know?"

"I could have–" he shrugged – "but I didn't want to. You looked pretty peaceful, and I didn't want to interrupt that."

"How long was I even out," Eren asked as he tried to will his cheeks from reddening. He couldn't help but wonder how long Levi watched him sleep, but he refused to ask. That would make things awkward, and Eren wanted to avoid awkward.

"Well, you were alone up here for two hours, and I don't know how much of that you slept away, but I've been home for five hours now."

"I slept for almost seven hours," he yelled in surprise. There was no way. He hadn't slept for more than four hours in almost five years!

"Yes, now can you please not tell again?" The kettle began to shriek at them, and Levi hesitantly turned away from Eren in order to kill the flame. He went about fixing the tea the way he liked it and then served each of them a cup right before he sat on the stool next to Eren's. "Is that really such a surprise to you," he asked Eren tentatively.

"What? That I slept that long? Yeah, it is... I don't get much sleep anymore, haven't in about five years? Maybe more, but I'm not sure." Eren took a sip of the tea that Levi gave him and smiled. "I forgot how good this is."

"You didn't make any while you were gone?"

"No... I normally only drink it with you."

Levi eyed Eren for a few seconds with another unreadable expression, which Eren couldn't help but notice had been happening a lot lately, before he hummed quietly. "So you don't sleep well."

"Not anymore, no."

"Why not?"

"Nightmares. I've had one every single night for so long."

"But not tonight?"

"Surprisingly, no."

They sat in silence for a while and only broke it once they both finished their cups. 

"Do you want more," asked Levi.

"No. Oddly enough, I really want to go back to sleep," Eren replied.

"Not before you take a shower. I'm not letting you go back to sleep with as filthy as you are."

"Shit," Eren mumbled. "I'm sorry. Fuck.. I even slept on your clean bed."

"It's fine. I have more clean sheets, so I'll just change them before I go to bed," Levi said dismissively.

"Okay.. I'll go get clean, then."

Levi laughed quietly at Eren's awkwardness and waved his hand as if to shoo him off. "Go on, then. No one's stopping you." Taking the dismissal as what it was, Eren got up and grabbed his tea cup to go put it in the sink when Levi stopped him by placing a hand on his arm. "I'll get it, Eren."

"Okay." He put the cup back down and went to grab his bag of clothes that he had set by the front door. Once he had the bag, he started to walk towards Levi's bedroom once more, but as he got to the doorway, he stopped. He turned his head to look at Levi over his shoulder and said, "Hey, uhh... Thanks for letting me stay here."

"You're welcome, but where else would you have stayed exactly?"

"An inn, obviously," Eren laughed. "Just.. I wanted to say that because you obviously don't have to let me stay here, but you are anyway... And I'm really glad that I'm here and not at an inn, so thanks." He turned his head back in order to face forward and made his way for the bathroom. 

He almost made it when he heard Levi quietly say, "I'm really glad you're here, too, Eren."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that next chapter will have the park. It was supposed to happen in this one, but I thought about it, and this happened. I also swear that they will finally get somewhere regarding their feelings in the next chapter as well! Thank you guys for being so patient with me and waiting for this damn confession to happen! I'll try to make sure it's not disappointing. <3
> 
> Also, I think this chapter is longer than the last few, so... Yay!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy, guys... Don't mind me as I just casually try to deposit this late chapter on your doorstep... Haha. Ha.. (;-_-)
> 
> So here's the chapter I've been building up to.  
> It's... not written as well as I feel it could have been, but inspiration struck, and I just had to roll with it.  
> I hope you guys like it, and I hope you don't mind that this chapter is literally all dialogue.  
> They just had a lot to say.

"So you wanted to show me a garden," Eren asked skeptically.

"Yeah."

"Okay." He paused for a moment to look over all the flowers before he asked, "Why?"

Levi didn't respond right away, and after a minute or two of staring at the small, beautifully colored garden, Eren was sure that he'd never get his answer. But as soon as Eren resigned himself to never knowing, Levi let out a small sigh that sounded a lot louder to Eren than it actually was.

"Before we started to rebuild, back when the plans were still being made, someone decided that both here and in Trost, there should be some kind of memorial. Apparently, survivors from both districts were asked what they wanted it to be, and they chose a park with a garden for Shiganshina. They apparently wanted something that could bring joy rather than just being a grim reminder."

"Well, that..." Eren drifted off and looked around at the flowers. Of course, that's what he had been doing for the last five minutes, but after hearing what Levi had said, he felt like he needed to pay more attention to what was growing there.

There were lilies to symbolize the deaths of so many, and there were cyclamen, which — if Eren remembered correctly — were in place to say farewell to those who had died. There were some white heathers, which were in place for protection, and there were tea roses. Eren wasn't quite sure about the roses, but he remembered them to symbolize rememberance — he couldn't help but find it funny that he'd forget that one, especially if he was correct about the meaning. There were a few daisies as well, and Eren couldn't help but feel as if they were somehow out of place. Who was he to judge, though? It wasn't his garden.

"That's, uhhh..." Again, Eren began to speak, to tell Levi what he thought, but he got sidetracked by a plaque that was placed in the center of the little garden, right in front of a tiny pond. He felt a bit idiotic for not realizing that it was there because it clearly stated what the garden was for.

"Wow. I wish I would have seen that sooner." He gestured to the center of the garden with his chin. "I wouldn't have had to ask such a dumb ass question." He chuckled and brought both of his hands up to his face as he moved to sit down on the ground. "It's beautiful, Levi. Even if the daisies do feel wrong, I still think it's beautiful. My mom certain would have loved it. Armin's grandpa, too. That man had a soft spot for all things nature. Man, there was this one time that it was raining, so Armin and I were playing inside his grandpa's house, and we kicked a ball right into this one flower pot he had. It was filled with daisies, actually, and his grandpa looked like he wanted to cry, and–"

"Eren. Relax."

"Huh? Rela– I'm fine. Totally fine. I mean, I'm remembering all at once why I never wanted to come back here, but I'm definitely fine."

"I'd believe you if you hadn't said that you are fine three times in ten seconds." Eren felt a slightly cold but very soft hand rest over his, which now sat on his knee, and he looked over at Levi. "Eren.. What's wrong?"

Eren looked back towards the pond. "I... I just... Sometimes I forget that I actually had good memories here, and once I finally do remember them, they instantly get ruined by every bad thing that's happened since Bert — I mean the Colossal Titan — kicked the gate in. It's just.. It's hard to deal with, I guess."

"I can understand that, but I think that you should try to hold on to the good memories when they do come. Just because we were dealt a shit hand, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy the game, you know?"

"I... What?"

Levi chuckled softly and said, "Don't let the bad memories ruin the good ones, Eren. Hold on to them. Treasure them. They are worth more than gold, even if they do hurt."

"What kinds of memories do you hold on to, Captain?" Out of the corner of his eye, Eren saw Levi turn and glare at him, and he realized how he had fucked up almost instantly. "Shit. I'm sorry, okay? Old habits really do die hard, I guess."

"Whatever." Levi turned away from Eren and withdrew his hand. Eren immediately wished that he'd put it back; it felt empty and far too cold now that their hands weren't touching.

After a few more minutes of silence, Levi spoke up again. "You know about most of the memories that I care to revisit, but.... There was this one time about two — no, it was three years after you joined that we wound up staying in that unpleasant little cottage on some mission or another, and I was so disgusted by it that I stormed out of it and went for a walk to survey the perimeter. When I came back, you were yelling at Kirschtein for tracking mud across the floor that you had just finished scrubbing. It was hilariously endearing to see that you had picked up my habits — or maybe on my discomfort — and I think that's probably one of my favorite memories to look back on."

"That... I remember that. He punched me in the face for being so uptight, so I threw him outside. Literally." Eren stopped to give a genuine laugh, and Levi joined in.

"That was certainly amusing, especially since you literally locked him out for the following hour."

"He would've stayed out longer if Armin hadn't begged for me to let him back in. God, how Ar can love an idiot like that, I'll never know."

"That's another person everyone secretly thought you were fucking. Well, two people, actually."

Eren whipped his head around to look at Levi so fast that he heard it crack and he vaguely feared that he'd end up with whiplash. "What?"

"Armin and Jean. The chemistry between you and those two was so undeniably there that everyone insisted that you at least fucked Jean once and were secretly in love with Armin."

"I.. What the fuck?" Eren shook his head, and his eyebrows furrowed as he frowned and looked down towards the ground. "I would never, and I mean never, even _think_ about touching Jean intimately, but Armin? Not only is he so out of my league, but he's been like a brother to me for so long that even thinking about kissing him romantically feels wrong."

"Romantically? Have you two kissed platonically?" Eren looked over to Levi to see if he had an eyebrow raised, and sure enough, just as his tone indicated, his left eyebrow was slightly cocked, and his mouth was set in a tiny smirk.

"Damn right, we have. I can't tell you how many times I've kissed that little asshole on the forehead, cheeks, and hands. He's my best friend, my brother, and after all the times we almost lost each other, we stopped giving a damn what anyone had to say about how we showed our love. He means more to me than almost every single person I know, more than any material thing that I've owned. He's my rock, my anchor. I'd be lost without him."

"I'm sure Kirschtein would be very happy to hear all that."

"He knows, and if he has a problem with it, then he's not good enough for Armin anyway. Anyone with eyes can see that Armin has given his heart to Jean, and it's apparently pretty evident that I've given mine to someone other than Armin."

"What makes you say that?"

"Everyone was teasing me and prompting me to confess on the way home. They even said that he already knows how I feel."

Levi hummed before he said, "I think he does."

Eren slowly looked up from the spot close to Levi's foot that he'd been staring at to look at his companion in utter disbelief. "And what makes you say that?"

Levi, who had barely taken his gaze away from the flower bed throughout the entire conversation, turned back to face Eren. "You're an open book, Eren. Once you decide how you feel for someone, you don't exactly try to hide it. That's not to say that you're _completely_ obvious, but to someone who's pretty adept at reading you, it's obvious in the smallest of ways."

Eren tore his eyes from Levi's and looked up to the sky. The sun was setting, and the stars were on their way to appearing, and he couldn't help but feel so unbelievably stupid.

Of course Levi would know. Of course he would have been able to tell. 

"How long have you known, then," he asked quietly. There was no noise except for the little crickets and cicadas that were singing for them, but he hoped that Levi would hear him anyway. He didn't want to repeat himself.

"What?"

And there went his hopes of not repeating himself.

"How long have you known?" Eren spoke louder, more clearly, and he forcefully brought his eyes back up to meet Levi's. If he was finally going to do this, he needed to make sure he seemed confident.

"For about four years. I was in denial up until that day you very clearly did not tell me how you felt, even after I told you that you should."

Levi paused, as if he was looking for the proper way to continue, but Eren didn't give him the chance to do so. Before he could even think it through, he blurted out, "You lied to me."

Levi's eyes widened and Eren's narrowed. The shock at Eren's accusation didn't last long, however, for Levi's eyes narrowed as well, and he said, "How exactly did I lie to you? And when?"

"Don't play dumb, Levi. You told me that you were worried that I was in love with Connie because he's short or whatever, but you knew. You knew! You just played it off like you had no idea, but you–"

"Okay, yes. I knew you were talking about me, but what did you want me to do? Say, 'So Eren, you might want to not talk about being in love with me in any public place if you really don't want me to know?' Would you have rathered I do that?"

"No–"

"Then what's the problem? Are you really going to be mad at me for trying to make something I knew was difficult for you easier, something that happened two years ago?"

Eren let out a heavy sigh. Levi just confessed that he knew about Eren's feelings for him, and here he was, picking a fight over something that he honestly didn't really care much about in retrospect.

"I'm not mad.... Not really. I just... I'm sorry. I'm being stupid. Only I would fuck up the easiest confession in the world."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Levi mused, any hint of annoyance that was once there gone. "I'm sure that there are definitely worse confession stories."

"Yeah? Know of any worth mentioning?"

"Oh, you bet," Levi said with a small, sly smile. "You're not going to hear it from me, though."

"Seriously? Come on, Levi–"

"Next time you see Hanji, you should ask her about how she finally told Moblit how she felt. It'll make her a bit sad, sure, but she can handle it." He paused, and a thoughtful look fell over his features. "She loves telling that story, so I'm surprised you haven't heard it yet."

"Definitely didn't hear it, but I most certainly _did_ hear the result."

Levi hummed in response and tilted his head back to look at the stars. The look on his face told Eren that he was perfectly content to sit there, star gazing with him as they bantered back and forth for the night. 

They say there for the next few minutes without a single word to interrupt the quiet of the night. Eren would have been just fine with staying that way, but he just couldn't help the almost crippling insecurity that rose up and lodged itself deep in the pit of his stomach.

How he felt for Levi was finally out in the open.

But how did Levi feel about Eren?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About that long wait, though... I had a rough few weeks at work, and I just got so stressed out that I didn't feel like writing anything. That made me lose where I was going with what I had already written, so I had to reimagine where I wanted this to go, which was harder than it should've been since writer's block is an asshole and doesn't like to let go once it takes its hold.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so I added more at the end because I went back and read it, and I have no idea why I even thought that ending this where I did was a good idea. So... Please enjoy the final chapter.

"Levi?"

"Hmm?

Eren didn't answer immediately. He wanted to get it over with, but he was so afraid of what Levi's answer would be. He wasn't sure he'd be able to handle rejection, not from Levi. 

Levi latched on to his hesitance, and he called out the other's name to prompt him into continuing as he tore his gaze away from the sky and looked to Eren.

"I just... Levi, I need to know."

"Okay," Levi said, and Eren could hear the concern in his voice. "What do you need to know?"

"Do you, umm.." Eren groaned and brought his knees up to his chest, resting his arms on them as he buried his face in his hands. "Fuck, this is.."

"Eren? What's wrong?"

Eren lifted his head, threw his arms up, and fell back onto the ground in such a way that must have looked like a childish tantrum as he yelled, "Nothing! Everything! No, it's me... I'm just so anxious. Actually, terrified would be a better word for it."

"What are you afraid of?" Levi's voice was soft, and it made Eren feel like melting into the earth because Levi rarely spoke to him that way, let alone the rest of the people they knew. That soft tone was something Eren lived for, something that always made him feel important and cared for.

"I just want to know–" he covered his face with his hands once more – "how you feel about me."

"That's what you're so afraid of," Levi scoffed.

Eren removed his hands from his face and sat up to look Levi directly in his eyes. "Of fucking course I am! You've known how I felt about you for even longer than I have, and yet when it's actually out in the open, you don't make any move to tell me about how you feel! If you were in my shoes, wouldn't you find that at least a little bit frightening? Because from where I sit, it seems more like you're just trying to spare my feelings by not—"

"Eren." Levi interrupted him and placed on hand over his mouth to ensure that he'd be able to say whatever he had to say without any interference. "I'm going to kiss you now. Okay?"

Shocked, and still sitting with a hand over his mouth, all Eren could do was nod his assent. 

Levi removed his hand, but it didn't move very far. Instead of pulling it away completely like Eren thought he would, Levi cupped his cheek with his right hand. He began to lean in towards Eren, and it took Eren a few more seconds before he decided that he should do the same.

They leaned in until their noses touched, lips not quite brushing yet and eyes still locked on each other's mouths as if they held the answers to life itself. 

Levi's eyes fluttered shut first, and Eren sharply drew in a breath that sounded too loud to his ears before he did the same, leaning in the rest of the way to finally connect their lips.

It wasn't anything like Armin's first kiss with Jean, which not only looked passionate and filled with the fear of losing your loved one forever but was confirmed to be exactly like that by Armin himself when he retold Eren about the life-changing moment as if Eren hadn't been right there. It also wasn't anything like Connie and Sasha's first kiss, which was sloppy and filled with laughter from the joy they felt at finally taking that next step in their relationship. Hell, it wasn't even like the first kiss that Eren always dreamed about sharing with Levi, which was always filled with frustration, anger, and lust because he always thought that when they did kiss for the first time, it'd be in the middle of some argument for some reason.

No, their first kiss was light, a soft brushing of the lips. It wasn't anything like those other kisses, but Eren immediately realized that it didn't have to be. His first kiss was perfect, and that was solely because of who he was kissing. 

Levi pulled away first, cutting it shorter than Eren would have liked, but he couldn't bring himself to complain st all because when he opened his eyes, Levi was smiling. It didn't reach his eyes like his most beautiful and rare smile did, but Eren could see in Levi's eyes that the smile was completely genuine and conveyed nothing less than pure happiness.

"Eren," Levi whispered as he rubbed his thumb over the other's cheek.

"Yeah, Levi?"

"I love you."

Eren breathed in another sharp breath and felt his heart skip a beat. Levi just said three little words, but they were three words that Eren never thought would be directed at him, and he could feel those three little words fill his chest with a warmth that he was sure that Levi could feel with the hand he had placed there at some point.

"I love you, too, Levi."

\------------------------------

When Eren woke up the next day, he was alone. He was alarmed by that at first until he remembered that Levi woke him up a few hours ago to tell him that he had to go open up his shop and would be back in a few hours. Still, he wished that he'd have stayed asleep until Levi came back because waking up alone the night after they finally confessed their feelings was a little disheartening. The feeling didn't last long, though, because as soon as Eren shifted in the bed, he was reminded of everything else they did last night once they got back to Levi's house, and he couldn't help but hide his face in his pillow.

They'd made love twice after they got back from the park. The first time started off a bit awkward, especially since Eren had to make Levi stop because he was moving too fast. Unlike Levi, Eren had never indulged in any sexual activities. He had time to and plenty of offers for it, but sex was never really that important to him, and he'd only ever wanted one person in that way, so he just tried to brush off any offers or thoughts of sex as he could when they presented themselves. When Eren had told Levi that, Levi had been patient and so reassuring that both times ended up being so soft, sensual, and they both tried their hardest to convey all of their feelings into every kiss, every touch.

Eren considered last night to be one of the best nights of his life so far, and he was honestly a little excited to try it all again.

"Still in bed, I see." Startled, Eren whipped his head up to look at Levi and wondered how the man managed to come in without him hearing anything.

"Yeah, well—" Eren situated himself so that he'd be propped up on his left elbow — "I just woke up, and I'm a little sore." Levi hummed in response as he started to walk towards the bed.

"That's normal. I'll run set up the tub for you before I head back, and you can go soak in it for a while." He sat knelt on the bed, hovering over Eren, and gently kissed him on his cheek. "It should help." He gave Eren another kiss, that time on the lips.

When Levi pulled away, Eren chased after him, not wanting to lose that connection or the warmth it brought him, and Levi chuckled. He brought his hand up to cup Eren's face, and Eren leaned into the touch, happy to be touching Levi in some way if they weren't going to keep kissing.

"Do you have to go back," Levi asked suddenly. Eren almost asked why Levi was the one asking that when it should be him since Levi will have to go back to work in a little while, but then it hit him.

Levi didn't want Eren to go back to work, either.

"Not if you don't want me to," Eren said. Levi looked at him with mild exasperation, like he did when he found out that Eren had gotten into another fight with Jean, and rolled his eyes.

"Of course I don't want you to—" he rubbed his thumb back and forth over Eren's cheek, eyes watching the motion — "but I'm not going to ask you to stay if you want to go back."

"What makes you think I want to go back," Eren asked, a little agitated.

"You've always dreamt of seeing the outside world with Armin, and—"

"And I've done that. I might not have seen everything that I wanted to see, but I did see the ocean, so I'm fine with staying here." He paused for a moment, contemplative. "After last night, the only way I'm leaving these walls, maybe even Shiganshina in general, again is if you come with me." Levi's eyes grew wide, and the hand that had moved from Eren's cheek to lazily play with his hair had stilled.

"You'd stay here for me?"

"I'd do anything for you, Levi," Eren said, eyes never leaving Levi's and hand moving to him the one that was placed in Levi's lap. "I love you more than anything that this world has to offer, and now that... Now that I know you feel the same—" he sighed — "The last expedition was amazing. We experienced things that you'll never get here, but I couldn't really enjoy any of it because all I kept thinking was that I wanted you to be right there experiencing it all with me.

"I heard Hanji and Armin talking a few months before we started to head back.... Even if we didn't need to go back because we were low on supplies, they would have turned us all around because of me anyway." Eren suddenly laid back in the bed with a groan, throwing one arm over his face to cover his eyes. "They didn't say this exactly, but I was being depressing, and people were getting worried about me."

"Hmm. Hanji did send me a letter once that included your... uncharacteristic behavior. It worried me but not that much." Levi gently grabbed Eren's arm and moved it away from his face. "You are allowed to have quiet moments to yourself, you know." He leaned in and kissed Eren's forehead, lips lingering for a few seconds before pulling away. "You don't have to be Humanity's Hope all day, everyday anymore."

"I know," Eren sighed. "I.. My point in telling you this was that no matter how many bad memories this place brings me, not matter how much I still hate the walls, I'm more than willing to stay here with you because I love you."

"I love you, too," Levi said. "If... you ever find yourself unhappy here, I want you to tell me. I don't care what I have to do or where I have to go, but as soon as you say the word, I'll leave everything here behind." Eren opened his mouth to protest, but Levi continued on to say, "And I mean that, Eren. You're not the only one who will do anything to make the other happy, so don't even try to argue with me on that."

With a frown on his face and tears pooling in his eyes, Eren said, "Okay."

"Okay," Levi said, small smile planted on his face as he moved his hand back to Eren's face. "Now, how about I go run that bath for you?"

"What, no shower first?" Levi chuckled softly at that and brought their interlocked hands up to his face so that he could kiss Eren's.

"We showered after we had sex, so I think you'll be fine." He leaned in again to kiss his lover on the lips and then said, "Oh, Hanji sent me a letter saying that she, Armin, Jean, and Mikasa will be coming here sometime this week. I'm planning on offering up my living room to Mikasa, but Hanji will have to find somewhere else to stay." Eren snorted a laugh before his eyebrows furrowed.

"What about Armin and Jean?"

"Armin asked me to build him a house here, so they'll be staying there. Now, I'll be right back to help your ass into the tub."

"Oh, you really—"

"I know—" he grinned at Eren — "but I want to." Levi got up and walked towards the bathroom, and Eren was left to smile and stare after him.

Eren wasn't quite so sure how he managed to win Levi's affections or how he managed to get so lucky, but he was sure that, for once in his life, everything felt like it was falling in place, and he finally looked forward to bright, love-filled future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is more than welcome because I'd like to know how I can improve. I'm still very new at this, and this is my first completed multi-chaptered fic, so I'll gladly accept any and all advice! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Tumblr: titanjaeger


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